Gingertude

I went to a wedding this weekend,  I hate weddings.  I was dreading this weekend since my friends sent me that stupid save the date magnet, to put on my fridge. Every time I go get OJ there they are reminding me, yes I will save the date, yes I get it you have love in your life, good for you!

I get that girls dream about this day, well since forever but I am not one of those girls.  I have never thought about getting married ever.  First, I hate wedding dresses, they are just so..ugly.  Wearing something white satin and sparkly makes me want to throw up in my mouth.  I don’t like flowers, bands, most people, social gatherings, forced converstions….its just not my thing.  I had a bat mitzvah once, wasn’t my idea, and the whole thing gave me a panic attack.  Picking out invitations, dresses, venues..why???…and then after all is said and done you have to sit down and write thank you cards, I remember all the different ways I could possibly thank someone.

I do love my friends and would do anything to support them.  Sometimes we have moments in our lives where we just want someone to bear witness, I will show up.

My friends “the wedding couple”, decided to have their wedding in Napa.  Great, they live in La, I live in La, really? How can we make this harder for Laura, yes it’s all about me.  So now not only do I have to go to the wedding, I have to get there.  I’m currently broke right now, awesome how much money do I have to spend on someone else’s love?  So I decide to drive, 6 1/2 hours, I don’t have money for a hotel room so I’m just driving there.  Two tanks of gas each way, have you seen the price of gas? I have just spent $200, I’m showing up that’s your wedding present.

Napa is beautiful, they have their wedding on a vineyard while the sun is setting.  My friend looks beautiful and happy.  I’m sweating, the sun is in my face, they don’t have a mic so I can’t hear any of the ceremony but she looks happy.  And yes it is mostly couples, every time something beautiful is said they give each other this look, that look that says, “remember our day,”  Jesus.

Cocktail hour, I can’t even drink myself into a happy place because I am driving.  I get my table card, sit outside by myself watch the sunset and smoke.  I try not to think about the money that I’m spending and don’t have, and try to relax.  I just can’t do small talk, I’m not good at it. Earlier that week my friend sent out an email, letting everyone know the wedding was going to be outside on the grass and to wear appropriate shoes.  I don’t need an excuse to not wear heels.  Most of the girls there didn’t read the email or ignored it and they are all wearing heels, on the grass ha ha.  You can’t walk on the grass in heels, you sink!  I enjoy watching all the girls fall over and sink, trying to walk and they are not even drunk yet.  Maybe I will have fun!

When it is time to be seated, I go to my table only to find I don’t know anyone there.  All my friends, all girls are sitting at a table together but I am seated with strangers?  Oh, I get it I’m the single friend.  Lets sit the cute single friend, with the other single people.  Hell no, I grab my chair, my place setting and I go sit with my girlfriends.

One of my friends is there with her new boyfriend, and they are sitting right next to me.  They have been dating a month.  Ahh new love, throughout the night they can’t keep their hands off each other and make eye contact constantly.  They are kind good people and I am happy for them, but so annoyed.  He sees I’m cold and offers me his jacket, he’s a good man, now I’m even more annoyed.

The night goes on and its freezing, Napa gets cold at night, and there are only 3 heat lamps.  I go to my car and get my sweatshirt because I am wearing a thin dress and shivering.  I am also wearing one of those Pashmina wrap things someone gave me as a present.  Can someone please explain this to me?  Usually women look so glamorous wearing these things, for the life of me I can’t figure this thing out.  I fling it over my shoulder, it falls down, I wrap it around myself it falls down, this is the most irritating thing ever.  I am actually fighting with it, I am fighting with cashmere, maybe I am not really a girl?   I want to take it off and step on it.  Thank god my sweatshirt, this makes so much more sense and it has a hood, this I can figure out. While I’m at my car I miss the bouquet toss, another thing about weddings I don’t get and think is stupid thank you god, thank you god.  I didn’t have to have that awkward moment where I say, not for me I don’t believe in what you just did, and I don’t fake anything..if I’m not faking my orgasms I’m certainly not going to fake interest in catching flowers.

I havent talked to my friend the bride all night, while she’s on the dance floor I make my way to her.  She is dancing with some guy and she says,” look this is my single friend Laura I was telling you about, dance together” and she walks away.  The corny white boy as I will call him, says he hasn’t had enough to drink  to dance like a black man yet.  As if?  I think how am I going to get out of this?  When just my luck, a drunk single girl with her dress hiked up and shoes off, grabs him and says you’re dancing with me.  I’m sure the corny dude is happy about that, they don’t care what the pussy looks like, and that was a sure thing. Thank you god, thank you for alcohol, thank you for drunk single girls that go to a wedding to get laid, thank you.

Its 10 pm and its over, the place has a noise restriction all music has to stop by 10 thank you.  I say my goodbyes and I leave. Some people are staying at the venue, and they are starting to get trashed.  My friend the bride told me she had a cot and I could spend the night, maybe I would even hook up, I say no thank you, go to my car and turn the heat on.

Luckily a friend of mine was in San Francisco, so I have a place to stay.

I’m glad I went.  Honestly, I couldn’t live with the guilt if I didn’t.  Being a good friend, means you have to do things you don’t like for other people.  I hope my friend enjoyed her wedding, I hope it was better than the version she had in her head from her childhood.  I’m also glad she has love in her life, she is amazing she deserves it.

I do believe in love, and I do hope to find it in my life one day, I just don’t want a wedding.

I hope I’m nice and kind to my friends, I hope they call on me for things in life they care about and know I’ll show up.  You know how there’s that saying, she’s the kind of person that will help you bury a body?  I hope they say that about me, because I would much rather prove my friendship to someone by burying a body, then going to a wedding.  That I can do, I don’t mind getting dirty, and you can do that for free.